The Swan Revenger

A half-swan, half-crab singing "Let It Go" in a shower of Iron Bru with a newspaper on the floor in the foreground that says "Government Takes Sugar from Iron Bru: Riots Today"
Illustration by Siobhan Dignan

31st January 2024

Mr Swan is singing the first line of Frozen in the shower of iron bru. He doesn’t see the ninja coming in. Ninja is making jokes into his ear piece. Mr Swan stops singing midline. Ninja is traumatised from seeing Mr Swan in the shower and his feathery crab legs. 

“The big cheese” he screams as a war cry in his deep gravelly voice whilst swinging his arms with his rubber ducky. 

“You big creep” says Ninja. 

Just then a human sized jug of strawberry ribena with a face crashed through the wall. “Your buddy’s a scraper and I just killed Fanta!” he yelled in a thick Northern Irish accent…